Brady’s Ten Bachelorette Thoughts
Well, well, well look what the cat dragged in our least favorite bachelor contestant Hannah B starts her journey to gain Instagram followers find love. I won’t stick around long thing season unless there’s lots of drama so let’s waste no time and get into this shit.
1.) Oh my gosh Hannah is blown away that all these cameras are at her house to tell her she’s the bachelorette she’s so shocked. This is making me want to puke all over myself and were less than 5 minutes in. New haircut is hot though Hannah, since I’m a fair man ill be nice and give you that compliment. No chance Hannah can run more than two miles what god awful form she wasn’t even sweating!!Bring on the men she says let’s get this party started.
2.) Jesus Christ I almost erased that whole paragraph being mean that disco ball, silver dress is a fucking rocket on our new golden girl. 8.7/10 Hannah I’m impressed, also nice to see Demi, and Katie who was probably the best of the rest outside the three favorites last season.
3.) Tyler is the first guy of note that we meet, and he’s doing construction shirtless and modeling on his boat shirtless this guy is made for the fucking bachelor. Pilot Pete, first impression is way to fucking nice and put together to be on this show he’s going to be one of the best heartbreaks the good guys always finish last buddy especially in reality TV.
4.) Guys are coming out of the car this James Bond looking southern Nashville song writer named Jed?! This could be the horse we attach this wagon too but let’s hold up, well come back and update him when he gets some time in the house. Fuck you Jed being that good of a singer on a first date is illegal give the rest of us guys a chance, great suit, great beard, and can sing?! This man won a lot of hearts in America tonight, and is going to be around for a long time.
5.) Tyler is such a douchebag getting out of the car just the cockiest stroll, decent blue suit plays to your strengths Tyler. He can stay around he will be good entertainment.
6.) Guy who jumps the fence should be immediately sent home fuck this guy, that is the lamest shit I have ever seen. John Paul Jones has great fucking hair, and voice but not sure he has many working brain cells left, dude does a lot of drugs could be this seasons Demi. Connor J the French speaking guy has terrible fucking hair and that red suit is terrible, looks like the male version of Cersei boo this fucking man!!! Rap man is added to the list of being sent home immediately.
7.) LUUUUKE I’ve been waiting for you, what a weird fucking connection these two have and he has MAJOR, MAJOR VILLIAN written all over his fucking face. It’s between him and Jeb at this point, just dominating the air in the house when he’s walking in. Blue suits and frat cuts are quickly taking over this night with Luke being the leader. Luke is slaying this first one on one, just saying all the right things telling her since the moment he saw her he wanted to marry her. His TV must’ve been turned off when Cassie and Hannah G were on the screen because there’s no way you choose Hannah B over those two.
8.) Balding boy in the red suit is not winning any points with these cheesy ass games, get the fuck of my screen Connor, last warning.
9.) RED CHRIS HARRISON PLANT ALERT WE HAVE A GUY WITH A GIRLFRIEND ON SET SCOTT IS SO FUCKED LET’S GO. Talking kitchen design is a serial killer conversation starter remember that ladies. Oh Jesus, Hannah is on a rampage to get this man “Is this a good talk” “Ehh probably not” Scott need a life vest, just a look of absolute defeat when she says, “I heard you have a girlfriend.” He’s trying to get out of this and is becoming a bigger douche poor man’s life is about to be ruined on national television, it was a good run girlfriend Scott.
10.) Well, well, well look who fucking shows up to save the day, our knight in shining armor who god spoke to in the shower to stop hooking up with so many girls. Thank you for your service Luke giving the girls of America hope there’s still good guys out there. He then snags the first impression rose, and a solid make out session this man’s stock is trending upwards.
11.) Chasen, Scott, Matt (Probably the biggest surprise of the night), Chicago guy, Ryan?, and other irrelevant people get eliminated. But John Paul Jones survives and America rejoices, there’s still hope.