What. A. Disaster. Bachelor recap.

Lets roll people it’s the last episode, no idea what’s going to happen because they showed Cassie packing and leaving but 0.0% chance she did.

1.) Are you fucking kidding me? I am so upset, literally 47 seconds into the episode and they’re holding hands in love again, making out, and heading to Spain to meet Colton’s parents?!? What in the actual fuck is going on Chris Harrison I’m going to need you to bring this full circle before I riot. Jokes about jumping over the fence she laughs sorry babe ill make it up later wink wink.
2.) Oh, they’re in Spain, and Colton is happy again I’m so done until the bachelorette. She’s meeting the whole fam, and hopefully this is the last virgin joke we get. Cassie all sins are forgiven for that navy-blue dress, I remember why I loved you. What. A. Smoke show. 
3.) Oh, the parents are not happy side eyes all around the circle here people. This is karma for Cassie’s dad being a dick, she’s giving 0 good answers or reassurances to the parents about her and Colton. This ship is sinking very fast Colton just leaves her with the sharks and goes to talk to mom. Everyone in the world can tell she’s just not into Colton and he is OBSESSED WITH HER, blinded with love, poor guy.
4.) Can Colton be the bachelor again next season? I feel this coming he’s too good of a guy to get his heart ripped out three times on national television but I’m very much for it.
5.) I say this every episode, Chris Harrison is an absolute titan. I wonder how many bachelor skeletons he has in his closet he’s like a scary mafia leader/ godfather. 
6.) Add Colton and heights to the list of things Brady is done with. Hopefully someone is keeping track at home.
7.) WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU ON THE SHOW IF YOU DON’T WANT A RELATIONSHIP YOU ARE THE WORST CASSIE AND ITS BREAKING MY HEART. NO ONE IS BUYING THIS ACT.
8.) Cassie, I refuse to look at the TV with you in that blacklaced dress I could fall in love again. “You taught me a lot about what a good relationship looks like the past 12 hours we’ve been dating.” Hair malfunction at dinner Cassie nothing gets past me.
9.) Colton is about to have sex, this is a for sure thing Cassie is about to blow his mind. I can’t state how hot her dress is, Colton is legit so excited. I do feel like a proud dad now that he’s going to have sex. Chris Harrison has been bodying him all week, and these sex jokes are way too much. Please can we please be done with Onyeka and Nicole. Birds and bees shot again, I need a couple weeks off from the bachelor.
10.) Uh I’ve said all I can say about these two I don’t even care about seeing them live on TV right now, nothing will change my opinion this wont work. I appreciate you all following along and putting up with my grammar, we will see you for Hannah B’s season of the Bachelorette.

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