Brady’s ten bachelor thoughts

We’ve waited all week long for this people, the moment is finally here. Colton’s finale we get two breakups and lots of crying can’t really ask for much more than that if we’re being honest. Let’s get fucking rolling people.

1.) We start with the whole crew looking for Colton, I’m giving the real time over/ under on them looking for him at maybe 3 and a ½ minutes tops.
2.) Chris Harrison is not a huge cardio guy, he does not seem to enjoy chasing after Colton in the Portugal country side.
3.) Obviously, Colton wasn’t going to quit don’t be so silly people my god, do reality television one time for me!!! Breaking up with two side chicks and having to keep the worst one cannot be fun but will be great television. 
4.) Oh no…. Tayshia knew right away after opening that door Colton was here for the break up. Pretty uneventful if were being honest I was really hoping there were more tears but neither seem too heart broken over the events that occurred.
5.) In order to marry Tayshia you need to light a lamp with her, go sky diving, meet her family, all in three weeks. That’s all you need according to her, I felt stupid just hearing that what is she talking about. Dress is almost as blah as this episode, 3.4/10 have some self-respect and come with some heat Tayshia. Also, if Colton’s hair stylist isn’t arrested by the end of the night something needs to happen, what in the fuck is on this guy’s head.
6.) HOLY SHIT HANNAH G IS STILL ON THIS SHOW CAN YOU BELIEVE IT PEOPLE MY GOD. She on the other hand has no idea what’s about to go down, oh no the tears are starting right away here. How the fuck do you not choose Hannah, I know I’ve been the biggest team Cassie guy in the world, but Hannah is the clear right choice.
7.) COLTON YOU SUCK AT BREAKING UP. He just told her basically he still loved her, and then was like but it can’t be you, basically what Cassie did to him. Maybe these two idiots are made for each other after all, god the bachelor is good at finding like minded people. By the way Hannah’s dress is out of this park, she is the hottest girl ever on this show, they did her so dirty my god. 9.9 out of 10 and I’m officially changing my allegiance to the losing team because I want to die a respectable bachelor death instead of going down in the fame flames. THIS IS SO BORING MY GOD WHY DIDN’T WE END THIS LAST WEEK. Great earrings too Hannah, can we please have a surprise from the rafters and have her be the Bachelorette.
8.) CHRIS JUST ROASTED HIS HAIRCUT ON LIVE TV LETS FUCKING GO HAHAHAHA MY GOD THAT’S CHRIS HARRISON MUSIC THE MAGIC MAN, THE ONE WHO CAN’T BE TOPPED ON REALITY TV. THE AARON RODGERS OF DRAMA MY KING.
9.) This is so drawn out, and annoying why do we have all these old bachelors up here we all know he’s going to go back and get Cassie stop drawing this out any farther than we need.
10.) How can this possibly be two nights long this was a snooze fest my goodness people. Cassie does looking very fucking attractive while she’s leaving this is a big reminder for the people.

Oh no Colton, did you copy this haircut.

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