Maybe one of the best times of every season and we start off with the best breakups of all time. What a fucking start Chris you know how to bring the fire, this makes my heart happy.
1.) Let’s see who wants to make a strong play for Bachelor in Paradise, obviously Nicole, Demi, Onyeka, and Heather are all going to make pushes for it. Electric city dress for Hannah B still #NotMyBachelorette.
2.) I fucking missed Demi so much, she’s back and better than ever she’s unreal.
3.) Chris Harrison is literally the fucking best, the only person in the world who loves the drama more than me.
4.) Shut up back row girls!! I don’t know you you’re cancelled not allowed to talk you’re not making paradise!!
5.) I can fucking not with Nicole everyone keep shitting on her, she sucks forever and ever. Onyeka too my god I’m sick of your voice. This is unreal, I can’t keep up what the fuck is going on.
6.) Katie first of all Sup baby girl? I don’t mind attacking Caelynn, Hannah B is shooting up the fucking bachelorette rankings. Caelynn please save it, no one is fucking buying this please leave stage. We’ve lost control with this shit.
7.) Let’s talk dresses in three categories
Group 1- The Fucking brought it group:
Hannah B- wow that black dress, she’s hot I hate to fucking admit that 9.8/10 (Cocky fucking ring selection)
Heather- She actually looks pretty good tonight, feeling that pink and black combo 9.2/10
Group 2- Good but not great
Katie – She’s very attractive and the silver dress is doing very good on her. Solid showing for the most underrated girl in this season of heavyweights. 7.1/10
Caelynn- She might just be super hot in anything but she looks very attractive tonight. 7.5/10
Group 3- WTF are you wearing
Demi- She is owning the night, dominating all these girls but the dress has to fucking go in the trash. Or donate it to the next season of the Queen on Netflix. 3.4 /10 and that’s being kind.
Nicole- You look like you’re going to a 5th grade ballet concert. Boom roasted.
8.) Hannah B gets in the hot seat, she has the next Bachelorette season in the bag. I’m warming up to her a little she’ll make good drama. “Love me fiercely and chased everyday” that’s how you get the fucking crown ladies.
9.) Colton is coming out let’s get the fucking dirt, DRAG HER DEMI DRAG COURTNEY LETS GO! Colton sucks at this when he can’t make out with them he looks confused, this part of the show cannot be fun.
10.) Colton is 1000% not a virgin he definitely lost it but that was so staged and sucked.