Alright people maybe the biggest week of the season, they promised us Colton fence jump and I will riot if we don’t get it. Let’s get into this maybe Colton will also get laid but knowing him probably not.
1.) Little talking making love with Colton and Chris here not set up and awkward at all. This is where it would get weird dating three is a lot different than dating twenty, I can imagine now they can get mad at you and stuff. Were headed to Portugal after a little poem from the always romantic Colton.
2.) Tayshia is first, which probably means she is not the reason he jumps the fence which sends a little bit of nervousness down team Cassie’s spine. Nothing says losing your virginity like talking about Portugal’s economy and exports in a helicopter Colton you beast.
3.) They’re really beating around the bush about Colton and her banging, please god save it for Cassie. Okay Tayshia went the fuck off with this sunflower dress she looks hot as fuck, no chance Colton doesn’t lose his v-card right here, he is so screwed, literally and figuratively. THIS IS SO GOD DAMN AWKWARD WHAT THE FUCK COLTON (When they’re talking about her boobs).
4.) They’re feeding one another, whispering I cannot take this,but this circus music is the perfect fit savage as always bachelor producers. Did they just show the birds and the bees the morning after, she didn’t fuck Colton, WHAT COLTON!!! DUDE you must send this girl home after that, no chance she wins Tayshia is cancelled.
5.) CASSIE TIME MOTHER FUCKERS!!! LFG with the black skirts and the boots my girl! Colton looking like a jacked cotton candy though, and wearing the same boots again, I’m not sure he deserves Cassie anyway. Its Cassie he loves this is obvious I just don’t know how much she likes him, and I almost feel bad for the poor guy. Nothing sells like getting your heart ripped out of your chest so this will be great TV. I’m getting horned up watching them make out in this alley way, do the god damn deed Colton. If he enters the fantasy suite and blows this, he’s the worst person in history.
6.) Ugh Colton is in so deep, I mean they’ve made it obvious at this point it’s Cassie who he jumps the fence because of, and it makes me want to jump off a bridge. Girls love options though so I’m not sure if I blame her, force yourself to like one or pick from 20, easy fucking math.
7.) Here it comes fuck my life, she basically told him she doesn’t want to be engaged to him right now which isn’t shocking, but this is reality TV she must say yes. Cassie is acting like a girlfriend that is not allowed on this show, you must wait until after, no getting mad or being petty.
8.) Of course, this mother fucker is here in Portugal her dad?!? What is going on, Chris Harrison you sneaky mother fucker this wasn’t shown anywhere. He’s here to tell Cassie to not be with Colton, my god this man is a savage. The ship is sinking hard he does not like Colton one bit, which is strange because Colton is a good dude.This dad fucking sucks, get out of here loser, “I DON’T WANT TO DICTATE WHAT YOU DO” YOU JUST FLEW ACROSS THE COUNTRY TO TOLD HER NOT TO GET ENGAGED FUCK OUT OF HERE. I think I’m going to get a UFC cage for charity with this old fuck when I get famous, he’s moved to the top of my shit list.
9.) My fucking god that could be the best break up dress ever, silver sparkles lighting the mood for sex and he is about to get dumped lmao. I seriously love this show people, nothing delivers season after season like this does. She is so hot, it is unreal like this dress should be illegal for television I might need to take a moment. Oh no Colton knows he’s fucked. Then she tells him you love him, what is wrong with you Cassie.
10.) Colton is an idiot, I’m mad at Cassie but she has those eyes those fuck me Colton eyes and he’s a sucker it. I actually feel awful for this guy. Man this show is literally the best show ever created. This shaking is getting out of control does he need an ambulance, I’m worried about him. Can you imagine filling this I would be smiling ear to ear. Cassie leaves, Colton jumps time is a flat circle love is dead. Chris Harrison is loving life, slow the fuck down Colton she’s in heels have some respect.