Double Doink Yourself Off The Roster

It’s day two in Chicago since the “double doink debacle” and still Cody Parkey is a Chicago Bear. “Parkey scored 9 out of the 15 points” “Chicago’s offense looked like ass” “EXCUSES EXCUSES EXCUSES” I’m tired of hearing all these damn excuses for Cody Parkey. Parkey finished the regular season at a measly 76% for field goals and 93% for extra points. In total he missed 11 kicks this year, and in my opinion it’s 11 misses too many. We signed this guy to a 4 year $15 million dollar deal and he is out here missing 11 kicks in A GOD DAMN SEASON. The Bears kicking ranked 27/32 teams in the NFL and we have the 7th highest paid kicker in the league. Robbie Gould is being paid $11,000,000 less than Parkey and had a whopping 97% success rate kicking the ball through the uprights this season (Who else misses saying “good as gold” after he pounded one through the uprights like he always does because he’s actually reliable).

The Bears need to address this situation sooner than later, I don’t want this bad ju-ju of Cody Parkey with this team anymore. I don’t care if we sign some kicker from Boise State, I just want to part ways with a guy who can’t perform in high pressure situations. 11 missed kicks is just too many to let slide by and not say shit. Sorry Cody go to a team like the Cardinals or Bengals and live out the rest of your career, just please for the love of god get the hell out of Chicago. I won’t lie I’m secretly hoping they’ll have open tryouts for the kicker position, I was the backup kicker on my 7th grade football team behind a lineman named Gus. He never got hurt so I was just the placeholder, but if you knew anything about kicking you’d know that being a placeholder is harder than kicking.

ps Brady’s picks will have you retiring before you’re 40 #FREEMONEY

By: Marcus Fitzpatrick

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